


Coping Mechanisms

by MamaRegalWrites



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3198653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MamaRegalWrites/pseuds/MamaRegalWrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina and Emma have an argument after she gets back from her time-travelling adventure leading to a much needed conversation. Post-3x22 SQ.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coping Mechanisms

**Author's Note:**

> Let's pretend that Hook wasn't with Emma when she fell into the portal and Marian didn't get brought back. 
> 
> I wrote this really quickly and it hasn't been edited yet so apologies for any mistakes. They are all mine. Also, I switch perspectives quite a lot, hopefully it's obvious whose thoughts and feelings I'm dealing with. 
> 
> I own nothing as usual.

Regina had noticed the paniced look in Emma’s eyes as she left the diner. As much as she wanted to pretend she didn’t care, she hadn’t been able to concentrate on anything since. With a resigned sigh she stood from the booth she was sharing with Henry and Robin and told them she’d be back soon. Henry shot her a knowing look before giving her a hug goodbye. 

Twenty minutes and a tracking spell later, Regina found herself in the abandoned barn Zelena had been using. The way the air weighed heavy with used magic instantly set her on edge. She scanned the floor in hope of finding a clue.

Her heart plummeted when she saw Emma’s cell phone on the ground near the markings Zelena had created for the time travel spell. It almost looked as if… but surely not? The spell couldn’t have worked now that she had her hear back and baby Neal was safely in his mother’s arms could it?

Regina performed the tracking spell one more time, hoping a new trail leading away from the barn would appear. Unfortunately, the golden trail that was supposed to lead to the missing blonde ended abruptly right in the centre of those markings. “Dammit!” Regina screamed into the empty room. 

She conjured herself a chair with a wave of her arm and settled in to wait, praying to Gods she’d long ago stopped believing in that Emma would make it back in one piece. 

SQSQSQSQSQSQ

A crackling of energy dragged Regina from the light sleep she’d slipped into about an hour ago. She’d lost track of how long she’d been waiting but she was determined not to leave until she knew if Emma was safe. What if Emma arrived back injured and no one was here to get her help? She couldn’t let that happen. 

Another loud crackle and a bright burst of light filled the dark, empty room. A swirling portal opened in the ground and spat out a limp body before disappearing once more. 

Regina leapt out of her seat and ran over to Emma who was sprawled across the floor groaning loudly.

“Emma!” she found herself practically screaming. “Are you okay?”

“Regina?” Emma asked. Her eyes could barely focus on the woman kneeling beside her, she was still too dizzy. 

“Yes. Are you okay? What happened?” Regina’s eyes were scanning Emma’s body frantically, searching for any signs of injury. Other than looking exhausted and incredibly pale, she seemed unharmed. 

“Urgh,” Emma mumbled as she sat up, “y’know, the usual. Travelling in time, nearly ruining my parents’ marriage, having to make deals with Rumplestiltskin, almost being executed… All the fun stuff.”

The colour drained out of Regina’s face until she was nearly as pale as Emma. “You were nearly executed? By-”

“By you. Yep.” Emma tried not to let the hurt in her voice show. She knew it was completely irrational, the past Regina didn’t know who she was; there was no reason for her to be treated specially. Yet a small part of her had hoped that the connection she seemed to share with the Mayor, the one that had been there since their very first encounter, would have saved her. Maybe if she’d had her magic it would have been different. It always felt like their magic was drawn to each other and maybe that would have been enough for Regina to recognise something in her. Either way it didn’t matter. The Queen had made it clear that she was nothing more than a dirty street rat. 

“That wasn’t me, Emma. You know that don’t you?” Regina had heard anger in Emma’s voice loud and clear and it absolutely petrified her. Emma had always been the one to see only Regina and not the Evil Queen but now… now she’d witnessed the true extent of her evil first hand. 

Emma slowly got to her feet. She noticed the way Regina’s hand stretched out as if to steady her before she sharply drew it back and tightly crossed her arms in front of herself. “Well technically it was you but-”

A look of absolute devastation appeared on the former Queen’s face before she could pull on her mask and school her features. She had disappeared with a flick of her wrist and a puff of her signature purple magic before Emma could finish her sentence. 

“Shit!” Emma shouted into the emptiness as she realised how exactly how badly she’d screwed up. 

SQSQSQSQSQSQ

By the time Emma had made it to the mansion her teeth were chattering and her whole body was convulsing with the cold. When she’d run off earlier she’d done so on foot, meaning she was stuck in the middle of nowhere without her car. Part of her wanted to head home and go straight to sleep but she knew she had to deal with this. She needed to fix it before Regina decided never to talk to her again. 

She reached out a numb finger to press the doorbell and waited. After a few minutes of silence she knocked on the door. Still nothing. “Come on Regina,” she shouted through the wooden door blocking her entry, “let me in! We need to talk about this!”

Her knocking became progressively louder and more frantic but still Regina did not answer the door. A selection of curse words slipped from her lips which were probably becoming blue with the cold by now. 

Emma looked around the porch and noticed a series of small flowerpots. Surely not? With her fingers crossed Emma lifted each pot one by one and nearly cried with relief when she saw the small key taped under the smallest one. She grabbed it and let herself into the house.

“Regina?”

The only response she received was the sound of breaking glass coming from the study. She nervously followed the sound. 

Regina didn’t even look up when Emma entered room. She was curled tightly into the corner of one of the large couches with her eyes shut. The shards of what Emma guessed was a whiskey glass were scattered on the floor in front of her. Even from the door Emma could see the smudged make up and tear tracks across her pale cheeks. 

“Regina? We need to talk.” Emma hesitated a moment then sat down on the couch opposite the broken Mayor. “Please?”

Regina didn’t know why but Emma’s pleases almost packed as much punch as Rumplstiltskin’s. She’d always found it difficult to say no to them. “I really don’t think we have anything to discuss. You should probably leave before I try to murder you or do something equally as evil.” 

“Don’t you dare start with all that crap! We both know you aren’t going to hurt me.” Emma found herself wishing she could be equally as drunk as Regina seemed to be for this conversation. The other woman still wouldn’t open her eyes and everyone knew that if you wanted to know what Regina was really thinking, you had to look into her eyes. It was the only place she couldn’t hide her true emotions. 

“How can you be sure?” Regina’s voice was scathing. “I am the Evil Queen as you were so kind to remind me.” 

Without thinking too much about it, Emma moved onto the other couch, right next to Regina. Her gamble seemed to pay off when the surprise of her move made Regina’s eyes shoot open. 

“I know you’ve changed,” Emma told her honestly, “I wasn’t trying to deny that or lessen it in anyway. That wasn’t what I meant.”

“So what exactly did you mean Miss Swan?” Regina’s words slurred slightly but Emma wasn’t sure if it was from emotion or drunkenness. Neither option made her feel any better. 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry though.”

Regina uncurled herself and turned so she was facing Emma. “It matters to me,” she admitted. If there was an explanation that didn’t involve Emma thinking she was a monster then she really needed to hear it. She vowed to herself long ago that she wouldn’t care what anyone thought about her but her thick skin became virtually non-existent around Henry and his birth mother. 

“Please don’t take this the wrong way,” Emma begged, “but I’ve never understood why you act like the Evil Queen is a separate person to you.” Emma’s gaze was locked on her boots, expecting to be thrown out of the house at any moment. When she realised Regina expected her to elaborate further she continued. “I know you’ve changed and you aren’t capable of that any more but it was still you. You can’t pretend it was someone else. It’s not right.”

Emma snuck a glance at the woman next to her, surprised to see sadness rather than anger in her expressive eyes. “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know all the terrible things I’ve done?”

“I hope you do.” Emma shifted closer to Regina, wanting nothing more than to reach out and comfort her. She resisted the temptation though, she was sure it would be rejected at the moment. 

“Of course I do! But…. Oh never mind. Please see yourself out Miss Swan.” Regina got to her feet as smoothly as she could under the circumstances. She was ready to go to bed and hopefully fall into a blissful state of unconsciousness. This wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have. Ever. 

“But what?” Emma asked as she gently grabbed Regina’s wrist to stop her from running away. “Please don’t shut me out because of this.”

There was that damn word again. Please. Regina didn’t leave but nor did she sit back beside the blonde. If she was going to do this, then she needed some space. She began to pace the room, wringing her hands as she walked. 

“Fine,” she eventually agreed, throwing as much venom into the word as she was capable of. Apparently that wasn’t a lot because Emma didn’t even flinch. “But… it’s the only way I can… even hope to live with myself.” Regina hated her body in that moment. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t control the shake of her voice, the blush on her cheeks or the tears building in her eyes. She despised feeling this vulnerable and more importantly, she loathed anyone else seeing it. 

“So it’s like a coping mechanism?” Emma smiled up at her. “That’s okay then.”

Out of all the responses Regina had accepted, that was certainly not one of them. “How is any of this okay?”

“The fact that you need a coping mechanism means that you feel guilt for what you’ve done. Part of me was worried that acting like it was someone else meant that you weren’t taking responsibility. I thought you were pretending it never happened.”

“There are many things in my past I would like to pretend never happened,” Regina gave up with her pacing and flopped down beside Emma in an uncharacteristically graceless way, “but the atrocities I committed shouldn’t be one of them. I owe it to the people I hurt to live with that guilt.” 

Screw the consequences Emma thought to herself as she threw her arm around the other woman’s body and pulled her closer. After just a few seconds Regina relaxed into the hold and allowed herself to enjoy it. 

SQSQSQSQSQSQ

“I will never understand you Emma Swan,” Regina said breaking the comfortable silence the pair had been immersed in for the last 30 minutes. She hadn’t moved out of the Saviour’s comforting embrace and nor had Emma pulled away. If it wasn’t for the stroking of Emma’s fingers against her arm, she might have assumed the blonde was asleep. 

“Why? I’m pretty much an open book aren’t I?”

“I separated you from your parents, condemned you to a terrible childhood, repeatedly tried to kill your parents, nearly cursed you,” Regina listed off a few of her many crimes sadly, “then there’s all the despicable things I did to everyone else and yet here you are. I don’t understand why.”

“Because I may not know the full story but I think I’ve pieced together enough to know why you did all those things. It doesn’t excuse them but it means I understand.” Emma pulled Regina even closer to her and gave her a gentle squeeze. “When I look at you I see who you are now. I won’t forget what you’ve done in the past, and I won’t let you forget it either, but that’s not the side of you that matters to me.” Emma laughed to herself quietly, “God, that still doesn’t make much sense does it? I’m really bad at this kind of thing.”

“Strangely enough, it makes perfect sense to me.” Regina lifted her head from its resting place on Emma’s chest and leant forward enough to place a chaste kiss on the corner of her mouth. “Thank you Emma.” 

To Regina everything suddenly fell into place. She didn’t need someone who only saw the good in her. She needed someone who saw the darkness and loved her anyway. She needed someone who knew what she was capable of and would help her fight the battle never to succumb to that side of herself again. She needed a person who would love Henry just as fiercely as she did and would do anything to protect him. She needed an equal. 

She needed Emma.

**Author's Note:**

> I know some people may not like the direction I took this in but no matter how much I worship the ground Lana Parrilla walks on or how much I love Regina, there are some things about her character that really bother me. This is the result of that. 
> 
> Let me know what you thought.


End file.
